Tinnitus

In regards to breaking the tinnitus habit, I recently received an email from a reader who writes…”I try to keep myself busy and do things that i enjoy but it seems that my mind is always locked onto the sound. Are there any tips you can give me that helps break this habit? I’m at the point where I’m truely trying to accept my tinnitus and sometimes I can and other times I can’t. I know it can’t hurt me, but I fear that I will have to suffer the rest of my life with it.”In answer to this question, “Are there any tips you can give me that helps break this habit?” I must first say that, most definitely, it is a habit to focus on Tinnitus. In fact, I suspect you’ve gotten so used to focusing on it all the time that it’s a habit that would be incredibly hard to break. But, not impossible! So, how do you break a bad habit?There is only one way to do this. Add habit forming positive routines to your day that are equally habit forming. When you do this, your new habits will override your old ones.This process is much much easier when you are fully aware of your destination. Even though life is not about the destination but about the journey, knowledge of your true destination makes it easier to focus every day on doing something that leads you to that destination. When you do this your mind will turn away from the negative tinnitus and be turned towards doing what it is you really want to do.What do you want? I’m mean really want? ie: fame, fortune, peace, success, money, companionship etc etc…. Take some time and figure out what it is you really want and then make daily habits that lead you to that destination. Good habits. Because, good habits are just as easily formed as bad ones.Let’s step away from tinnitus for a second and talk about another easily formed bad habit. “Lack of Exercise” which is a big problem in Western Society. You know it amazes me when I ask people at the gym, “how are you?” or “how’s it going.” Most of the time I get the response, “not bad,” or “I’ll feel better when I’m done” or “I hate the gym and I can’t get out of here fast enough.”For those people I know that I will see them very very infrequently. Why? Because, you can’t be good at something you hate. It’s impossible. When I first started going to the gym it was hard at first but I made it into a habit. Now, everyone around me knows that from 8:15 am to 10am every Monday, Wed and Friday I’m at the gym. No one questions that. Why? Because it’s a habit and everyone respects that. As a result, it’s something I can count on to give me time away from work, from family and friends to be by myself and doing something good for my body.That’s how to make anything a habit. Learn to love what it is you don’t necessarily like to do, because it’s good for you! And, it is leading you to the destination of healthy living.Now, let’s take a look at life. If I have a really big goal it makes it so much easier for me to form habits that chase that goal. What is my goal? To play at Carnegie Hall! Now that’s a big goal. Will I ever get there? Who’s to say, but I believe I will. But, even if I don’t, I’ll get 5,000 percent further than if I never adopted that goal or ever learned anything about actually achieving it. And, it doesn’t matter anyway. Why? Because I’m focused on the goal and forming good habit to meet that goal that takes my mind of the negative stuff like Tinnitus.What’s the really good news? You tinnitus will actually get better (lower in volume) by not focusing on it. Trust me, I know this works.One final word. Avoid saying things like, “I fear that I will have to suffer the rest of my life with it.” This is the worst thing that you can do is say something like that. Why? Because you’re focusing on what you don’t want…and you’re just going to get more of it whether you like it or not.Right now, form a new habit by putting your intention forward and adopting new phrases like…”somewhere someone has been cured from their tinnitus, tomorrow it could be me.” The universe understands what you want and what you don’t want equally. When you weight your statements on the side of what you really want you’re going to get more of it!I noticed that you downloaded my “6 Top Ways to Reduce the Ringing” eReport. You’re only on chapter 2. Have you adopted the first 2 lessons? Can and will you make them a habit. I promise that if you make them a habit you will heal over time.Lessons 3 through 6 are also new habits to be formed. You must do them. If you do not take the initiative because of your “fear” then there is little I can do for you. But, I have a feeling that you can and you will adopt these habits. Your sanity depends on it.

If you have tinnitus (ringing ears), like I do, my experience tells me that you likely have a great deal of difficulty with relationships. Why? Because not only does the tinnitus drive you crazy, it can also make feel very much alone. You feel isolated because it often feels like no one can understand your suffering.
The doctors don’t really seem to understand. Your friends and co-workers don’t understand. And, most importantly it seems like your family doesn’t understand. You feel like no one can possibly understand and therefore you tend to lash out at the people closest to you.
You need to be aware that the ones you love are equally suffering right along side of you. You need to know that they feel just as helpless as you do because they know there is nothing they can do. They want to save you from your private torture chamber, but they can’t. All they can really do is hold the space while you try and figure out your next course of action.
And so, you are faced with a choice. You can continue on your present course and hope for a different result. That’s what many people do. The do the same things day after day and always get the same result. Or, you can actually begin to learn what works in reducing your tinnitus volume. In order for me to share what I have learned after 7 years with tinnitus, I need to tell you a little bit about my story.
I had been happily married for 8 years before I got tinnitus. When I did get the Tinnitus it almost drove my wife and I to divorce. My marriage was not simply strong enough to withstand that kind of pressure. The reason for this was that our marriage, at that time, was based mostly around romantic love. This kind of love cannot withstand serious challenges because romantic love is like a drug. Your body produces chemicals that make you to feel euphoric, energetic and great. It’s the equivalent to experiencing a natural high. But, when that drug wears off; everything bad that you felt before you took the drug returns.
So, along with my tinnitus came an opportunity to learn what real love is. And, as I gained more knowledge, our love grew into something much deeper than romantic love. It grew into a spiritual partnership. Gary Zukav (author of Seat of the Soul) defines Spiritual Partnership as “a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth”.
Unfortunately many people are addicted to romantic love. They continue to seek it with no understanding that they are addicted to an illusion. When you fall out of romantic love you think love is gone, but it’s really only the illusion that is gone. In order for any relationship to evolve beyond romantic love, both partners must evolve as human beings.
For my wife Nancy and I, Tinnitus was a beacon in our life experience to help us work towards that evolution. As we evolved as human beings, we evolved in our partnership. And, as I learned more about spiritual partnerships, the more I was able to heal the emotional, spiritual, mental parts of myself. Then my physical world, including the world of tinnitus, began to change. It was an awakening of sorts. You can learn to do this by becoming aware of your thought processes, your internal dialogue, your physical habits and your emotions. Awareness is the key.
As our marriage got stronger, my tinnitus diminished. We discovered a deeper sense of identity, a greater feeling of spiritual connectedness and purpose and a renewed commitment to both our personal growth and to service. With that said, in order for your relationship to evolve, both partners must be willing partners and commit to their own personal evolution for the partnership to grow. Remember, it takes equal partners.
You can actually choose to allow tinnitus to remind you that you need to get beyond where you are at now and align yourself with a higher purpose. You are now being compelled, by force, to find your greater self and to heal yourself. And once you do, you will notice a greater quality of life all around you. Your relationships will change, your marriage will get stronger, your kids will be drawn closer to you, and everything and everyone around you will change for the better. It all starts with the realization that tinnitus is here as a beacon in your life for you to learn to be a happier person, a better spouse and a true friend to all those you encounter.

Tinnitus can affect people in many different ways but, in my opinion the most common symptom among most tinnitus sufferers is skepticism. Because there is no proven cure for tinnitus many sufferers search endlessly for anything that will alleviate the constant annoying ringing.
And, what happens is, these same people grow more and more skeptical every day because almost nothing helps. Invariably though, many of them shell out thousands of dollars for medicines, therapies, procedures and even homeopathic remedies that have little to no effect.
Recently I received a very nasty email from a lady who wanted to let me know that she was furious with my online tinnitus self-help program. Even though she went into the program with nothing to lose and everything to gain, she felt that because the program didn’t instantly cure her that I should refund her tuition. I did.
You must know however, that she’d only had the information in her hands for two days before demanding a refund. Not only did she not bother to work through the program at all, she completely dismissed the idea that it could possibly help her.
What’s the basis of this program that she had enrolled in? Well, it’s based on the concept that what you focus on expands. If you focus constantly on your tinnitus then you’ll get more tinnitus. If you focus on what you truly want out of life, like happiness and success, you’ll get more of that. And, while that may seem quite vague, this concept has helped many people to alleviate the suffering and put them on the fast tract to healing.
Where did this concept come from? I learned it from others. In fact, I learned it from some very intelligent and successful people who in turn learned it from others who came before them. Did it help me? Absolutely! In less than two years I went from complete manic depression and endless victimization to living a completely fulfilling and tinnitus free life.
But, the hardest part about this program is that it takes work. Inner work. And, that’s why many people do not believe in it. Because of the inherent skepticism of many tinnitus patients they simply cannot allow themselves to believe that such a transformation is possible. And, yet I’m living proof that it is. But, most people would say that if it’s not an instant cure, what good is it?
Well, I hate to burst your bubble but, there is no cure for tinnitus. That’s not to say that no has been cured but, there is absolutely no scientific evidence that there is a proven cure. Yet, the funny part is, many people are still willing to spend thousands of dollars trying to cure the symptoms of tinnitus and to get rid of that incessant ringing. I too, went through that period. In fact, I spent well over ten thousand dollars on various pills, treatments and something called tinnitus retraining therapy.
As a result, I too was skeptical when I first began learning what real healing is. It’s a process that I had to go through and in many ways I am still going through. And, even though my tinnitus is no longer a problem, I still have other areas of my life that need healing. And, without the information that was shared with me such healing would not be possible.
That’s why I now offer my program to others. Because part of my healing process in life is to share the same information that’s helped me with anyone I can. So, I use the internet to help me do it. Everyday I put myself and my reputation on the line by offering people the opportunity to learn something that might make their tinnitus better and make their lives more enjoyable.
Do I make promises that my program will work? Yes, I do. But, that doesn’t mean you can work through the entire process in just two days. It took me the better part of seven years to learn how to be the person I am now.
Based on my personal experience I would caution anyone who thinks that they can heal overnight. That’s what creates skepticism. We’ve learned from our environment to want instant results. Well, my response to that way of thinking is this… If every thing in life came easy, just exactly what would you learn?

As I’ve said many times before and have written in several previous articles, it’s important for Tinnitus sufferers to focus on what they want instead of what they don’t want. For example; if you focus on how bad your tinnitus is, it can’t possibly get any better.

But, why is this? Why can’t tinnitus get better if you focus your mind on tinnitus? The truth is that most of us have been taught that if we focus on the problem long enough and use all of our mind’s energy to fix the problem that it will get better. However, this is false. You cannot fix a problem created by the mind using the same mind that created it. The mind has only a limited amount of information available to it to fix problems. In fact, the mind has only its knowledge of past experiences to draw from. Therefore, if it has never fixed a problem like tinnitus before it cannot possibly comprehend all of the infinite number of ways that tinnitus can be cured or the countless number of ways to alleviate the symptoms.

So, if our mind is not powerful enough to fix tinnitus then what are we to do? Sit around and wait for a cure? Maybe, but sitting around waiting for something to happen while still being focused on the tinnitus will cause the tinnitus to get worse. We want somehow to find a way to make it better now, right?

Well, based on my experience it is possible to have the best of both worlds. I believe that tinnitus will be cured one day but I also know that I can live a tinnitus free life right now. All I have to do is make a choice to live it right now. Not tomorrow, not in a year from now but right now. Because now is all we have. All that’s ever been and all that ever will be is… now. You cannot live in the future and you cannot live in the past. You can only live now.

So, how do you choose to live in the now? By focusing on what it is you want and accept the way things are now and to be happy now. You see, that’s all that you want is it not? You want to be happy. In fact, that’s the goal of most people, to be happy. Yet, we’re so focused on doing things to get a result that will make us happy in the future that we never really get there. Because when we get there we change the rules then focus on another goal and start the cycle all over again.

How can you be happy now and still have tinnitus? Simple, choose to be happy. If you stop giving negative energy to your tinnitus and choose to be happy in the moment then that’s all you have to do. If you think you can only be happy when your tinnitus is cured then I guarantee you that you will live a long and very unhappy existence until the day you die. Because being focused on only being happy when your tinnitus is cured is completely backwards. You can only be happy now.

What are some of the ways you can learn to be happy in the moment? That’s also a simple answer. By focusing on your true heart’s desire and taking the necessary steps to achieve it then you will have succeeded in what most people will never achieve. Not only will you eventually live your dream but you will be happy everyday until you get there.

What is your true heart’s desire? That’s what your heart knows to be true. It’s what your heart knows to be the direction your life should be taking. It’s what you get excited about. For example if you’re in a job or a business that you hate you cannot possibly ever be happy. You can of course enjoy brief moments of happiness but not true happiness.

You can only enjoy true happiness by following your true heart’s desire. Anything less will be sure to bring you a life of distress, worry, doubt and constant fear. That’s what I mean by focusing on what you want. What you really want is to follow your true heart’s desire. Not only will you get it, because the universe will not allow you to fail, but you will always overcome any obstacles in your way no matter how big they are. Tinnitus is just an obstacle to overcome. Therefore, if you are focused on your true heart’s desire your tinnitus will be conquered. It has to be. Nothing, including tinnitus, can take you out of the game if you’re focused on what you want.

In sickness and in health is a promise I made to my husband twelve years ago. However, I can honestly say that I made that vow in ignorance. Because, until the person you love is suffering, one can never truly understand what that means. When my husband Paul developed a chronic case of Tinnitus (ringing in the ears), it was the beginning of a whole new journey that would put our vows to the ultimate test.

I could not see, hear, or feel what Paul was suffering from. He did not have any visible symptoms like a missing limb, bleeding, broken bones, labored breathing, or any other physical proof whatsoever that he was in a state of chronic suffering. I knew that there was a foreign sound raping his mind but, I did not and could not have a true understanding it. I felt helpless as his life experience spiraled steadily downward in fear, pain, and emotional distress. My hands were tied and I felt disempowered to do anything about it.

Up until tinnitus, we had been happily married and partners in life and business. My immediate reaction to this new challenge was to step up to the plate and be the rescuer. When Paul would dive into an emotional void of darkness, I’d find some buttons to push to remind his that all was not lost and there was still hope. I became the emotional cheerleader in the struggle. That’s all I knew how to do but, that never seemed to be enough. It caused me have feelings of self-doubt, powerlessness, fear, anger, and utter disdain for Tinnitus.

Did I want to give up? You bet! Many times I thought and truly believed that the Tinnitus was bigger than him, and me. I saw Tinnitus as the conqueror and that it had turned my husband into some different kink of stranger that I couldn’t possibly love.

The man who I knew and had loved had disappeared into a constant state of depression and victimization. I would live out many painful days watching him, observing him while all the while silently pondering the decision to either stay and fight or get up and leave. But, somehow something kept me there. Through his pain and rage and through his suffering, he would show me undeniable love. And, when I did entertain the thoughts of leaving I would witness brief moments of this love which would somehow shine through his suffering.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that the man I had lost to Tinnitus had to surrender to his illness and he had to die. I hated losing him and my heart was aching with fear, anxiety and loss. But at the same moment, I was witnessing something truly miraculous. A new man was being born.

As he changed, I changed. As he grew into awareness, so did I. I was entering into a completely new state of being that I had never known before. Certainly, the man I married was gone, but the man that grew out of suffering was a man that I would grow to love in a more authentic way than I ever thought possible.

I learned what “in sickness and in health” truly meant. I learned the true meaning of partnership; one based on personal and spiritual growth. Tinnitus forced us onto this new journey. And, even though it was often very uncomfortable and seemingly impossible, it was slowly bringing us a very beautiful place in our lives.

Tinnitus helped us graduate from romantic love to authentic love. And, it served to introduce us to the concept that we were in this partnership to help one another through our own personal development. Paul became a man that I truly admire, respect and am very proud of.

But, I too grew in many ways, and am very proud and honored to be me in this partnership. In sickness and in health may have meant very little to me at first and, if I had to do it all over again, I’d be keeping a closer eye on the prize; true happiness.

If you can fight your way to the other side of the suffering caused by tinnitus, if you can do the hard work and if you can trust the process, you will truly find your heart’s desire. I did.